The Worst-kept secret in my personal history

I'm posting this hear with the request that nobody mention anything on Facebook about it yet. I'll explain later in the post, but please, for now, don't mention anything on Facebook. kthanks.

Anyhow, the worst kept secret in my personal history is this:
Thanks to a mishap on our vacation to DC at the end of February, the Keatings are now expecting to become a family of 3 in mid-to-late November. Pending my ultrasound in about 3 weeks, my current due date is November 21.

I've been dying to tell everyone, but after my miscarriage in December, I've been scared to get excited. Fortunately, this little one has stuck around for 15 weeks now, so the odds of a miscarriage now have dropped roughly 80%, so I'm not nearly as freaked as I was, say, a month ago. I'm sure most people have figured it out by now, but since Nate's dad doesn't know yet and he's on Facebook...well, you now see my reasoning. I don't want him finding out via Facebook that he has a second grandchild on the way. So you all know, it's not that we're terrible people who just haven't told him, it's that he's out of town ALL THE TIME for his job, and Nate wanted to tell him in person.

So why am I telling everyone now and now just waiting 3 weeks until I get the ultrasound like my original plan?

Because I'm showing already. Just barely, but anyone who has been around me even in my chubby stages or who has been around a pregnant woman can tell this is not a chubby stage. I have the tiniest of baby bumps showing up...just enough to where my normal pants do not fit and there is just enough of a gap between the button and the hole to keep the old rubber band and safety pin tricks from working. So yes, I caved and went and bought a couple of pairs of maternity pants. Honestly, I didn't realize how uncomfortable normal clothing had gotten until I put on those maternity capris. Oh good lord thank you for the comfy elastic waistband.

So yeah, for those of you who have suspected it, it's true. I'm pregnant. I still think the coolest part is hearing the little heartbeat when I go to the doctor. It's very strong and they are extremely pleased by all things medical thus far. Last week when I went in the baby decided to kick the microphone of the machine every time she poked him with it. Since I don't know what the baby is yet, I say "him" a lot, just FYI. Wishful thinking, perhaps?

Anyhow, it was a trip hearing the strong little "thunkathunkathunka" interrupted suddenly by a "POW!" where baby's foot decided it didn't like being poked at, even through my skin and everything. I've felt a couple of little flutters where the baby is moving around, but since he's still so tiny it's very hard for anyone else to feel him unless I have eaten within the last half hour, I lay down flat on my back, and you poke in just the right place. Doc says in a couple of weeks it should be easier for outsiders to feel the little one.

I've been so scared to get excited until now. Now that medicine and statistics are on my side, my concern of having another miscarriage is no longer at the forefront but more of something I'm aware can happen but that doesn't make me freak out randomly anymore.

Nate's dad is supposed to be in town this week, so Nate is going to tell him sometime very soon. Then I'll post any pictures and updates people want to see all over the place because it will no longer be the worst kept secret in my personal history.

Oh, and for anyone keeping track I am officially 15 weeks along (pending ultrasound; you all know how ovulation isn't an exact science, so that might shift by up to a week) and I haven't gained any weight despite the obvious size change. Apparently it's pretty common for women to lose a little weight throughout the first trimester while baby gains, so you pretty much break even.

I'm still undecided about whether or not I'm going to find out the sex of the baby. I want the surprise and I don't want people buying me all pink or all blue crap, however I think the theme we've picked is gender neutral enough to keep people in line even if we do find out.

Due to my history with depression I've been talking with a councilor off and on that my OB hooked me up with. It's not a regular therapy thing, just a phone call or a quick chat here and there if I have concerns, but therapy is an option if either I or the doctors feel I need it. We're trying to nip any complications from my depression in the bud before they become troublesome for me or baby. One thought she had on finding out the baby's gender is that doing so might allow me to connect better with the baby as I'll then be able to fully picture the baby and have names and whatnot and that extra little bond might help stave off postpartum just a bit. It's still my choice, but I am taking her points into strong consideration. I mean, I've known since I was about 5 weeks along that I was pregnant, so even finding out the sex at about 18 weeks will be a fun little surprise.

I'm considering. I'll probably decide the day of the ultrasound when I walk into the waiting area, but at least I have some things to consider on both sides of the argument.

This ended up being a lot longer and more rambling than I meant it to be; I guess I had more to blurt out than I originally thought.

Once again, my only request is to keep this off of Facebook until you see me talking about it on Facebook.