Chocolatey Chocolate Awesome!

Yesterday my friend Lea at work brought in cookies she made to share. They were some of the absolute best chocolate truffle cookies I'd ever had, so of course I needed the recipe. She shared, and so I spent some time this afternoon making the cookies. I deviated from the directions a bit, but the end result is the same...the only difference is that the dough is a bit tougher to work with if you skip things like I did :-)

Here, for you all, are some pictures followed by the recipe. I apologize for not having total step-by-step pics, but when you have sticky chocolate dough all over your fingers it's kinda dumb to break out the camera.

Here they are, nearly done in my oven. The amazing cookie tray is courtesy of my wonderful sister-in-law. If you want to keep to the tradition and have them less cookie-like and more truffle-like, refridgerate the dough overnight. It makes it stiffer, slightly less sticky, and the cookies bake in the ball rather than flatten a bit like mine did.

Here they are cooling. Once they're cool, they get rolled in powdered sugar. Twice. YUM.

Here they are in all their squishy glory. You can't even begin to imagine how divine these things are.

For the dredging/coating/whatever you want to call it.

On a side note, everyone should get these SnapWare containers. I have one for flour, one for sugar, and one for powdered sugar. Life is grand with these things.

  

And here we are, kids. Chocolate wrapped in more chocolate with a powdered sugar coating. Too. Damn. Delicious. The best part is, even when they're cool, the kisses have a gooey texture. God, I love these cookies. You should, too. Make them. Trust me, it's worth breaking your resolution diets.

RECIPE!

Double Chocolate Truffle Cookies w/Hershey Kiss Centers
-1 cup softened margarine or butter
-1 teaspoon vanilla
-2/3 cup sugar
-1 2/3 cup flour
-1/4 cup cocoa powder
-1 bag Hershey kisses
-powdered sugar for coating (optional, but oh so tasty)

Cream the sugar, butter, and vanilla in a large bowl, set aside.

In another bowl, mix together the flour and cocoa. Slowly blend into the other mixture.

If you want them to stay ball-like, here is where you put the dough in the fridge. Overnight works best, but a couple of hours just to firm it up will work. I skipped this step and got a more cookie-like look. The taste is the same.

Once you've chosen your method, here is where you need to preheat the oven to 350.

Using a scant tablespoon, mold the dough around a kiss. Put 'em on a baking sheet and bake for 8-11 minutes until the cookies are set. I did mine at 11 and they came out perfect.

When they're done, they should still have an almost cake-like spongy quality to them, but they will still obviously be a cookie-like snack.

After they cool, coat them in powdered sugar. If you have them in a ball shape, just roll 'em through twice. If they are a cookie shape, flopping 'em in and covering them works just fine.

Store them in an airtight container and all is well in your chocolatey world for a while. 

Dealing because I have to

I've learned something about myself. I *really* want to be a mom.

I haven't recovered well from the miscarriage emotionally, especially for someone who knew she was pregnant for all of 3 days. I have several friends who are pregnant, and I find myself wanting to cry because I'm not right there with them. It's upsetting. I don't like being like this. I talked to my doctor about everything. He gave me the go-ahead to continue birth control and recommended that I stay on it until at least March to give my body time to fully heal and get back into its rhythms. He said after March, if we want, I can go off the pills and try again for real. He took me off the meds we think caused the surprise pregnancy in the first place, too. The FDA now has some more reports from that particular drug possibly interfering with birth control. It's something they hadn't studied before because no other drugs in that family had every shown any kind of interference. This one has a couple dozen across the country now. Not many, but still worth an investigation. Worst case scenario the drug (that works great for many people, but not me) will have to carry a label. Not a big deal.

I've decided in the meantime to take control of this house. I am purging. I'm cleaning and getting rid of anything and everything that I can't see a purpose for anymore. What stuff isn't complete junk is being donated or given to friends who could actually use it. By the way, anyone need a fairly handy plastic shelf? I purged enough stuff to where I don't need it anymore. Let me know.

One room at a time, I am reclaiming my house as my space. I am eliminating useless clutter. It's something I can control, and it gives me something to focus on.

Nate and I have also decided to start aggressively saving to buy a house. I see my purging as an ultimate service to myself. When the time comes to move, I'll have that much less stuff to pack up.

That's it, really. Nate & I got new phones. We both needed them. I'm cleaning. So there we go.

Christmas 2010, the best and worst Christmas ever.

This past Christmas is officially going into my personal history as both the best and the worst Christmas ever.

On December 23rd, after a couple of weeks of really wondering, I took a pregnancy test. It was one of them where you pee in the cup and then dip the stick in the pee. You're supposed to hold the stick in the pee for 20 seconds, then put the cap on and let it sit flat for 2 minutes. Before the initial 20 seconds was up, the test turned positive. I sat in the bathroom making sure I followed the instructions exactly with a stopwatch in my hand...and sure enough at the 2 minute mark it was still bright blue and very positive.

After the initial freak out, Nate and I figured "it's OK, we can do this." After all, dumber and poorer people than us have managed to raise wonderful kids and if you wait until you're financially stable it'll never happen.

On Christmas, we told a couple of family members that we might just be expecting. The reaction from those family members reassured me that yes, this can be done, it'll be OK.

Then the pains started. Late Saturday night. I heard cramps and such could happen in early pregnancy, so I wasn't too worried.

Then Sunday came along. The worst pain I've ever experienced in my life started. And then the bleeding started. Without getting too detailed and disgusting, I will say I nearly called an ambulance there was so much of it. I knew immediately what was happening. I called Nate at work to tell him. I spent Sunday curled up on my couch crying and then running to the bathroom to...clean up. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't stop.

So in the span of a few days I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby. I'm a fucking statistic and I hate it. Depending on whose version of pregnancy math you use, I was between 5 and 7 weeks along. I was going to call the doctor on Monday to make the happy appointment, and I was going to tell my mom then. Sure enough instead I got to tell her that the reason I had been sick was because I had miscarried.

It's the worst feeling in the world, even though it was a complete surprise. While initially I was completely shocked and terrified, I got over that pretty quickly and started to get excited. I was figuring out how to rearrange the house to make room for baby stuff...I even bought myself a couple of books because we all know what a research junkie I am.

My heart is shattered. My mom tells me that at least it was all a big surprise, that we hadn't been trying for a baby..she says it's a blessing that it was all sorta there and gone. She insists that while it hurts, it's much worse when you're trying.

I can't imagine going through this when it's a planned pregnancy. I always knew it must be difficult, but now that I've gone through it...I'm scared. I'm scared that when we actively try it's gonna happen again and that it will just hurt worse and worse. I know that the statistics are now in my favor for a successful pregnancy, but let's face it, a broken heart doesn't listen to statistics and reason.

The worst part of all of this has got to be Nate's reactions. He's happy I miscarried. He also doesn't understand that I don't want to have sex for a while because I hurt and don't feel good. In every other way my husband is awesome, but in this respect he's just making it worse.

So yeah. There you go. Yes, I was pregnant, but I'm not now. I'm miserable about it and I just hate that I feel so miserable.

I'm stranded.

Wednesday night, I got off work a little early. Traffic was nasty because of the weather, so I decided to take the back roads home. By back roads, I mean well-lit, major surface streets in our lovely city. Wanna know what it got me?

The good side of all this is that if the frame isn't bent, my truck is definitely fixable. If the frame bent, then I'm screwed.

If you're curious, I hit an Infiniti sedan. The fiberglass on his car disintegrated (as it's designed to do) but damn does it make the damage look so much worse. My biggest fear is the bent frame. The rest of the truck is easily fixable: new fender, new bumper, replace the parking light assembly. All very affordable parts, actually. Not that I've been impatient or anything :-)

Fortunately the adjuster should be calling me on Monday. Until then, I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to get to work.

Man, I suck.

So much for the daily blogging thing. I figured it would take me longer to fail miserably at that goal.

Anyhow, I've been all domestic recently. I've been cooking, crocheting, even cleaning. Yes, cleaning. It's ridiculous.

So last night was the first recipe I've tried that I've screwed up. It's an easy fix, and it's still tasty, it's just..off a smidge.

Today's mission is a black magic cake. Yes, chocolate, a hint of coffee, and sugary goodness.

Now I have to go get my husband to stop yelling at my dog for no reason. Nate has no patience for children or animals, I swear.

I have never met my mother-in-law. I've only ever heard her voice on a voicemail she left for Nate for his birthday. I've never seen a picture of her.

Long story short, she hasn't been involved in Nate's life since he was 15ish. For a reason I'd rather not get in to right now.

Nate's brother recently made contact with her again. She knows Nate is married, but that's about it. She knows my name. She has no idea what I look like, or even what her youngest son looks like now. Nate wants to call her, but for a myriad of reasons, he can't make himself do it. So, I got her address. Pretty easy considering I already had her phone number. I want to send her a letter and a few pictures of me and Nate. I know the things I want to tell her, the things I want to ask her, but I'm struggling with how to word it all and work it all out.

I also need to pick some good pictures to print out and send her.

If you're wondering, yes, Nate knows what I'm doing. I wouldn't deceive my husband, especially over something that is so directly involving him.

So..what do I do? "Hey Joyce! I'm the daughter-in-law you didn't know existed until recently! How've you been?"

I'll figure it out. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's writing letters.

I spent today at home thanks to a migraine. It sucked.