I've decided that I'm freaking myself out unnecessarily. The other day, I started having chest pains. This is nothing new for me. I've damaged the cartilage in my ribs enough to where stupid things like lifting a heavy book bag will cause me extreme pain. I'm used to it, and I know my restrictions..I also have medication to take when the pain gets out of hand.
What I'm freaked about is that despite taking the medication (and trying a couple of others the doctor suggested in case my body is getting too accustomed to the prescription)...well, the pain isn't going away.
I've been here before. Usually when it gets exceptionally bad it takes about a week to go away. The problem is that right now I don't have the time to slow down to let myself heal.
I've thought about going in to the doctor to maybe get an updated prescription or to get a new x-ray done to make sure I haven't made the damage worse. I won't do it, though. Partially because I'm semi-sure I'm over-reacting and partially because I don't have health insurance anymore.
I'm attributing the excess pain to stress. I'm losing my job in January, and we're already broke all the time because Nate still doesn't have a job. He's spent our entire marriage jobless. We're running out of savings. I'm losing my job.
I'm panicking.
And I think that's why the pain has come back so strongly. I'm panicked. I'm absolutely terrified because everything is going to hell, I can't stop it, and I don't know how to deal with it.
I realize there are people out there in much worse shape than we are...some of them are my nearest and dearest friends.
I just don't like being out of control of my own life, and that's what it feels like. I have no control. It is taking so much effort on my part to not revert to the nasty habits of my teen years. My meds are barely working, and it's because I'm so freaked and scared and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I'm at a loss. I had somewhere I was going with this, and I've completely forgotten. I'm...done.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
We All Need Something To Fear
People crave crisis and fear.
We are all aware that the American media panders to fear; scaring people equals ratings which equals advertising dollars. Nobody likes the fluffy stories about little old ladies and their cars they've owned for fifty years.
We, as Americans, like to panic.
Unfortunately, in my opinion, we are panicking over the wrong things entirely. We're so freaked out about the world ending in 2012 that we're ignoring the greater issues, that are all right here at home. I'm focusing on the 2012 things because let's face it, you can't turn on the History Channel without seeing something about it anymore. There's a movie out starring John Cusack that is all about the crisis, too. It's ridiculous.
So, in our focus on the end of the world in true apocalyptic fashion, we are forgetting that we have several crises here at home that we need to acknowledge and work towards repairing.
Americans at large are still convinced that we are the greatest country in the world. In my research, the only place I've found we're even close to ranking in anything is according to the World Economic Forum, the US is #2 for competitive economy. Funny thing, until this year, we were the top country for competitiveness. Thanks to our tanking national economy and people being afraid to invest in anything or actually *do* anything, we've lost our top spot.
Health Care Reform needs to happen. I don't know anyone who genuinely disagrees with that argument. Sure, we all disagree on how it should be done, but for the most part, Americans agree that it should happen.
At least, that's what I thought. I found someone who thinks our system is just fine the way it is.
Funny. According to the World Health Organization's 2000 healthcare rankings, the US is #37 in the world. 37. Wanna know who is ahead of us?
1 France
2 Italy
3 San Marino
4 Andorra
5 Malta
6 Singapore
7 Spain
8 Oman
9 Austria
10 Japan
11 Norway
12 Portugal
13 Monaco
14 Greece
15 Iceland
16 Luxembourg
17 Netherlands
18 United Kingdom
19 Ireland
20 Switzerland
21 Belgium
22 Colombia
23 Sweden
24 Cyprus
25 Germany
26 Saudi Arabia
27 United Arab Emirates
28 Israel
29 Morocco
30 Canada
31 Finland
32 Australia
33 Chile
34 Denmark
35 Dominica
36 Costa Rica
37 United States of America
Since 2000, the World Health organization has stopped making a ranking system due to the complexity of the task,
but can we honestly tell ourselves that this isn't a problem?
Alright, you don't believe me on this one? Here's another for you, that is a little more recent.
Global education rankings. I'm not talking post-secondary, here.
15 year old students among the 30 countries that participate in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development.
These nations are our peers, not everyone. Broken down by subject...
...Guess where we are?
Math: 25 out of 30. The average score across the OECD is 500. The US average is 483.
Reading: 16 out of 30. OECD Average: 494. US Average: 495.
Science: 20 out of 30. OECD Average: 500. US Average: 491.
Problem Solving: 25 out of 30. OECD Average: 500. US Average: 477.
Am I the only one appalled by how pathetic we are compared to our peers?
No wonder we are the laughingstock of the Western world.
Seriously, we're so busy concerned about what is going on everywhere else that we are ignoring our problems at home.
How can we possibly presume to tell everyone else how to be when we can't even keep ourselves under control.
Why, then, are we focused on things such as 2012?
I'm sorry, I'm more concerned that if my husband's appendix ruptures, we'll be screwed because we can't afford
health insurance. I don't care if the Mayans thought the world would end in 2012.
Oh, and by the way, they didn't think the world would end. They thought that the current historic era would end and we would
transition into a new age. Kinda like the Millennium fears, isn't it?
So, my dears, let's calm ourselves down for one damn minute.
Since we love crisis so much, let's get angry and work towards fixing the crises we have going on within our own borders.
Let's educate our damn kids, be parents, and stop being afraid that we aren't going to be "cool".
Let's tell our government what we want. What we need. We need a better health care system.
It is their job to listen to us, all we have to do is speak up and hold them accountable.
Here's a big one.
Let's take responsibility for ourselves. Stop playing the victim.
What we've done, we've done to ourselves. Let's stop bitching and start fixing.
We are all aware that the American media panders to fear; scaring people equals ratings which equals advertising dollars. Nobody likes the fluffy stories about little old ladies and their cars they've owned for fifty years.
We, as Americans, like to panic.
Unfortunately, in my opinion, we are panicking over the wrong things entirely. We're so freaked out about the world ending in 2012 that we're ignoring the greater issues, that are all right here at home. I'm focusing on the 2012 things because let's face it, you can't turn on the History Channel without seeing something about it anymore. There's a movie out starring John Cusack that is all about the crisis, too. It's ridiculous.
So, in our focus on the end of the world in true apocalyptic fashion, we are forgetting that we have several crises here at home that we need to acknowledge and work towards repairing.
Americans at large are still convinced that we are the greatest country in the world. In my research, the only place I've found we're even close to ranking in anything is according to the World Economic Forum, the US is #2 for competitive economy. Funny thing, until this year, we were the top country for competitiveness. Thanks to our tanking national economy and people being afraid to invest in anything or actually *do* anything, we've lost our top spot.
Health Care Reform needs to happen. I don't know anyone who genuinely disagrees with that argument. Sure, we all disagree on how it should be done, but for the most part, Americans agree that it should happen.
At least, that's what I thought. I found someone who thinks our system is just fine the way it is.
Funny. According to the World Health Organization's 2000 healthcare rankings, the US is #37 in the world. 37. Wanna know who is ahead of us?
1 France
2 Italy
3 San Marino
4 Andorra
5 Malta
6 Singapore
7 Spain
8 Oman
9 Austria
10 Japan
11 Norway
12 Portugal
13 Monaco
14 Greece
15 Iceland
16 Luxembourg
17 Netherlands
18 United Kingdom
19 Ireland
20 Switzerland
21 Belgium
22 Colombia
23 Sweden
24 Cyprus
25 Germany
26 Saudi Arabia
27 United Arab Emirates
28 Israel
29 Morocco
30 Canada
31 Finland
32 Australia
33 Chile
34 Denmark
35 Dominica
36 Costa Rica
37 United States of America
Since 2000, the World Health organization has stopped making a ranking system due to the complexity of the task,
but can we honestly tell ourselves that this isn't a problem?
Alright, you don't believe me on this one? Here's another for you, that is a little more recent.
Global education rankings. I'm not talking post-secondary, here.
15 year old students among the 30 countries that participate in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development.
These nations are our peers, not everyone. Broken down by subject...
...Guess where we are?
Math: 25 out of 30. The average score across the OECD is 500. The US average is 483.
Reading: 16 out of 30. OECD Average: 494. US Average: 495.
Science: 20 out of 30. OECD Average: 500. US Average: 491.
Problem Solving: 25 out of 30. OECD Average: 500. US Average: 477.
Am I the only one appalled by how pathetic we are compared to our peers?
No wonder we are the laughingstock of the Western world.
Seriously, we're so busy concerned about what is going on everywhere else that we are ignoring our problems at home.
How can we possibly presume to tell everyone else how to be when we can't even keep ourselves under control.
Why, then, are we focused on things such as 2012?
I'm sorry, I'm more concerned that if my husband's appendix ruptures, we'll be screwed because we can't afford
health insurance. I don't care if the Mayans thought the world would end in 2012.
Oh, and by the way, they didn't think the world would end. They thought that the current historic era would end and we would
transition into a new age. Kinda like the Millennium fears, isn't it?
So, my dears, let's calm ourselves down for one damn minute.
Since we love crisis so much, let's get angry and work towards fixing the crises we have going on within our own borders.
Let's educate our damn kids, be parents, and stop being afraid that we aren't going to be "cool".
Let's tell our government what we want. What we need. We need a better health care system.
It is their job to listen to us, all we have to do is speak up and hold them accountable.
Here's a big one.
Let's take responsibility for ourselves. Stop playing the victim.
What we've done, we've done to ourselves. Let's stop bitching and start fixing.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Frustration
For whatever reason, mobile blogging refused to work for me while I was off in Atlanta celebrating the release of Mentally Incontinent.
I have pictures and experiences to share, none of which are that interesting, but that I'm going to share anyway.
But not until later, for now I have an English paper to dive into.
I have pictures and experiences to share, none of which are that interesting, but that I'm going to share anyway.
But not until later, for now I have an English paper to dive into.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Preparations
One week from today, Mentally Incontinent comes out in bookstores. People who know me (and have seen the infamous tattoo) are probably thinking "wait a minute, Mentally Incontinent came out years ago. WTF?" Well, due to Joe's success as a self-published author/writer type person, he got a book deal with Penguin Books. Yup. So, they're releasing the next book, but not calling it a sequel as part of a very logical marketing scheme.
Anywho, the book comes out Tuesday November 3, 2009. In case you haven't figured it out, the links are to the Amazon.com presale page. I preordered mine forever ago.
The preparations aren't just for the book, however. The following weekend, there is a big book release party happening in Atlanta. I'm going. Yes, I am driving 9 hours to go hang out with Joe and others and to celebrate yet more weird stories from one of the coolest guys around.
So what have I been doing to prepare for my big road trip? Very little until now. I had Googled directions from my house to the hotel I'm probably staying at and from there to the venue for the party. That was about it, actually. Fortunately, the Fates intervened in my procrastination.
We decided to go see a movie on Sunday night. The app on my phone said 8:45, in reality it was a 10pm showing. Solution? Buy our tickets, and walk down the strip mall to the Barnes and Noble.
I bought a Streets of Greater Atlanta map, and the Rand McNally 2010 Road Atlas of North America. I'm already a pretty big nerd when it comes to maps and whatnot, and I'm just having ENTIRELY TOO MUCH FUN with my new atlas. Not only have I marked out the route suggested by Google, but I've found a detour I'm going to take on my way back to Columbus to indulge my Civil War geekiness. I found 3 fun things a lot closer to my fastest route than shooting across and through Nashville, which was my original plan.
Now I'm sticking to my Knoxville route for the most part, but I'm going to experience Jelico mountain and hopefully Gatlinburg. *happy dance*
By the time I'm done with this, I'm going to have at least four routes with various fun things to do along the way. Part of me feels bad for anyone who ends up riding with me on this one.
I've also gotten Blogger set up for mobile blogging (so people reading this on Xanga will have to switch over to timeracer.blogspot.com). I'm going to post cell photos and whatnot from the road. If I can figure out how to send video, too, then perhaps you'll get to enjoy a video of me harassing rest stop patrons. Hard to say, really.
But yeah..that's really all I have. I'm insanely excited about this road trip/book release/seeing people.
Oh, and did I mention that the preliminary forecast for Atlanta the weekend I'm down there is a good 15 degrees warmer than the forecast for Columbus that weekend? I might actually get to shed my hoodies for a couple of days.
The biggest downside to this trip so far is that CakeWrecks will be in Atlanta...the day after I leave. Grrrr.
Anywho, the book comes out Tuesday November 3, 2009. In case you haven't figured it out, the links are to the Amazon.com presale page. I preordered mine forever ago.
The preparations aren't just for the book, however. The following weekend, there is a big book release party happening in Atlanta. I'm going. Yes, I am driving 9 hours to go hang out with Joe and others and to celebrate yet more weird stories from one of the coolest guys around.
So what have I been doing to prepare for my big road trip? Very little until now. I had Googled directions from my house to the hotel I'm probably staying at and from there to the venue for the party. That was about it, actually. Fortunately, the Fates intervened in my procrastination.
We decided to go see a movie on Sunday night. The app on my phone said 8:45, in reality it was a 10pm showing. Solution? Buy our tickets, and walk down the strip mall to the Barnes and Noble.
I bought a Streets of Greater Atlanta map, and the Rand McNally 2010 Road Atlas of North America. I'm already a pretty big nerd when it comes to maps and whatnot, and I'm just having ENTIRELY TOO MUCH FUN with my new atlas. Not only have I marked out the route suggested by Google, but I've found a detour I'm going to take on my way back to Columbus to indulge my Civil War geekiness. I found 3 fun things a lot closer to my fastest route than shooting across and through Nashville, which was my original plan.
Now I'm sticking to my Knoxville route for the most part, but I'm going to experience Jelico mountain and hopefully Gatlinburg. *happy dance*
By the time I'm done with this, I'm going to have at least four routes with various fun things to do along the way. Part of me feels bad for anyone who ends up riding with me on this one.
I've also gotten Blogger set up for mobile blogging (so people reading this on Xanga will have to switch over to timeracer.blogspot.com). I'm going to post cell photos and whatnot from the road. If I can figure out how to send video, too, then perhaps you'll get to enjoy a video of me harassing rest stop patrons. Hard to say, really.
But yeah..that's really all I have. I'm insanely excited about this road trip/book release/seeing people.
Oh, and did I mention that the preliminary forecast for Atlanta the weekend I'm down there is a good 15 degrees warmer than the forecast for Columbus that weekend? I might actually get to shed my hoodies for a couple of days.
The biggest downside to this trip so far is that CakeWrecks will be in Atlanta...the day after I leave. Grrrr.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Breakin' my heart.
Nate is obsessed with the crashing housing market right now. It truly is a buyer's market, and he keeps looking at houses that are going for *CHEAP*.
Usually, they're OK houses in OK neighborhoods, so it's just like "eh, whatever" for me. Today, he found one. The one. In Gahanna instead of Pickerington, but still, the house. Perfect sized lot, the big house we'd love to have. For cheap. Insanely cheap. Like, if he had a job so we could qualify for the loan we'd buy it today cheap.
But alas, my income alone isn't enough to qualify us for *any* loan. He has to have a job as well, even for such a small loan as we would need for that house.
It broke my heart just a little bit. I know it's silly and that we should really sit tight where we are so I can finish paying off the student loans (hey, I have them under five grand from the over 15K I started with!) and so I can finish paying off the credit card...but still, my heart broke a little bit seeing that gorgeous house within our budget and knowing we couldn't get the loan yet. If he had a job, yes, we could get the loan rightnow.
It's a blessing in disguise. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. It's an opportunity for me to finish paying off my debts to get my credit from being "meh, okay." to being at a point where we can get the very nice interest rates on a mortgage.
It's ridiculous that I'm writing about this, but it's what is on my mind. I have no real complaints in my life at the moment (for which I am very grateful!) so you get to read about my sadness that we can't buy a house right now.
So. Other than that, my life is pretty much at the same place it has been. I'm in school, I'm married to my best friend, and...my dog and cat are constant little bundles of cuteness.
Nothing more to say...wait. Yes.
If I manage to figure out how to mobile blog from my phone, I'll be posting pictures and random bits from my road trip to Atlanta coming up the first weekend of November. Consider yourselves warned.
Usually, they're OK houses in OK neighborhoods, so it's just like "eh, whatever" for me. Today, he found one. The one. In Gahanna instead of Pickerington, but still, the house. Perfect sized lot, the big house we'd love to have. For cheap. Insanely cheap. Like, if he had a job so we could qualify for the loan we'd buy it today cheap.
But alas, my income alone isn't enough to qualify us for *any* loan. He has to have a job as well, even for such a small loan as we would need for that house.
It broke my heart just a little bit. I know it's silly and that we should really sit tight where we are so I can finish paying off the student loans (hey, I have them under five grand from the over 15K I started with!) and so I can finish paying off the credit card...but still, my heart broke a little bit seeing that gorgeous house within our budget and knowing we couldn't get the loan yet. If he had a job, yes, we could get the loan rightnow.
It's a blessing in disguise. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. It's an opportunity for me to finish paying off my debts to get my credit from being "meh, okay." to being at a point where we can get the very nice interest rates on a mortgage.
It's ridiculous that I'm writing about this, but it's what is on my mind. I have no real complaints in my life at the moment (for which I am very grateful!) so you get to read about my sadness that we can't buy a house right now.
So. Other than that, my life is pretty much at the same place it has been. I'm in school, I'm married to my best friend, and...my dog and cat are constant little bundles of cuteness.
Nothing more to say...wait. Yes.
If I manage to figure out how to mobile blog from my phone, I'll be posting pictures and random bits from my road trip to Atlanta coming up the first weekend of November. Consider yourselves warned.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Invites are out!
So, I've gotten the invitations sent out, and so far I've gotten two RSVPs back. One was a glad acceptance from my boss and her family. They love me and we've worked together for years, and have a friendship outside of work, so I expected that one.
What I didn't expect was the decline I also received. My own grandmother isn't coming to my wedding. I found out that she's only gone to one wedding in the family out of the four that have happened...but still. It's more than a little heartbreaking.
On the plus side, Brooke is definitely going to be our flower girl (whoo!) and...yeah. That's it. I'm kind of surprised I haven't gotten back any more RSVPs, to be honest. Most of my friends and family are very punctual and prompt.
Well, that's it. That's all I've got for now. Off to work to earn the money to pay for all this :-)
What I didn't expect was the decline I also received. My own grandmother isn't coming to my wedding. I found out that she's only gone to one wedding in the family out of the four that have happened...but still. It's more than a little heartbreaking.
On the plus side, Brooke is definitely going to be our flower girl (whoo!) and...yeah. That's it. I'm kind of surprised I haven't gotten back any more RSVPs, to be honest. Most of my friends and family are very punctual and prompt.
Well, that's it. That's all I've got for now. Off to work to earn the money to pay for all this :-)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Hopefully my hand holds out!
The RSVP cards are here, meaning I actually have to start getting the invitations out now. I'm being incredibly lazy and just addressing the envelopes myself. I was going to print them, but I don't have enough extras in the correct size to play around with my printer settings. So, while Nate goes grocery shopping, I'm going to be here addressing envelopes and getting ready to head to the post office. It's amazing when you realize that...yeah. We're getting things done! finally!
The bags I got for the girls showed up today, too...and fortunately the purple I used for Christi's bag didn't come out super girly and dorky like I feared. It actually looks very good.
My hand is cramping just thinking about how many addresses I'm going to have to write today! Fortunately, I'm going to save a little bit of money by breaking decorum and hand delivering a few of the invitations. I figure that if I see certain people almost every day, I can go ahead and invite them personally rather than spend the money to mail invites out. Yes, it breaks decorum and formality, but we've never been that formal and we're on a tight budget.
I'm off to brave my list of 50something envelopes. Away I go!
The bags I got for the girls showed up today, too...and fortunately the purple I used for Christi's bag didn't come out super girly and dorky like I feared. It actually looks very good.
My hand is cramping just thinking about how many addresses I'm going to have to write today! Fortunately, I'm going to save a little bit of money by breaking decorum and hand delivering a few of the invitations. I figure that if I see certain people almost every day, I can go ahead and invite them personally rather than spend the money to mail invites out. Yes, it breaks decorum and formality, but we've never been that formal and we're on a tight budget.
I'm off to brave my list of 50something envelopes. Away I go!
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