Officially on Baby Watch

Today I am considered 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I am considered full term, so at this point the baby can come whenever the heck she wants and it won't be any sort of medical risk to either of us.

Monday in the mid-afternoon I started getting cramps akin to those that usually accompany a period. They don't get any better or worse, so I pretty much just have to deal with this until I pop into the doctor tomorrow AM for my checkup.

Today I've been told to stay home, relax, rest, sleep, etc. to see if the pain eases off. It hasn't yet, and I've had a ton of water to help combat the cramps. Here in a bit I'm going to try a hot bath to see if that helps.

I honestly think I'm hitting early labor. If I go in tomorrow and nothing has happened as far as my body shifting towards popping out this kid, I will absolutely lose it.

I have been psychologically prepared for the pain of labor and delivery, but the pain that has settled in since baby dropped is ridiculous. Nobody warned me about this part. I also wasn't prepared for nasty cramps that don't go away but don't lead to anything, either. I was expecting cramps to come in and ultimately lead to my kid being born.

So yeah. That's the update. I'm miserable with nothing to show for it.

On the plus side, we've gotten almost everything together for the arrival of this critter. We have the big critical stuff ready to go, and just need a few odds and ends here and there. I would post a belly pic, but I've avoided taking any since that is one of the emotional triggers I've noticed. I can't wait to just wear normal clothing again!

47 Days To Go

47 Days to go until our due date...just shy of 7 weeks.

I just want to say that this kid better be worth it. I am done being pregnant. I am done feeling huge, I am done being uncomfortable all the freaking time, and I'm done with the quirks of pregnancy. I realize my body will never be quite the same again, but I want at least some predictability and familiarity back. I want to be able to sleep on my back again.

I'm still waiting for the glow everyone talks about. All I seem to have is a puberty-level zit breakout and an awkward gait. I've avoiding taking pictures this whole time because I just flat out feel awful. I know I'm going to regret not putting weekly pictures in my pregnancy keepsake book, but it's hard to ask someone to take a picture when you just feel like a freaking whale. I don't like going out in public like this, let alone having photographic evidence of it.

That's another thing...I don't like how much I'm complaining, but I can't think of any other way to deal with it. I'd rather just rant, get it over with, and move on. As they say, it's a little late now to change my mind :-)

Honestly, though, I can't wait to meet this kid. We're trying to figure out what she's going to look like...and we have no idea. After all, I'm a blonde born of a brunette and a redhead, so who the hell knows. The general consensus right now is that we're going to end up with a redhead. It would be suiting that both Keating girls are redheads. If she is, though, heaven help us all :-D

Random Things Nobody Told Me About Pregnancy

I am currently just shy of 32 weeks pregnant, meaning I've got just under 2 months until my little parasite is due to join us out here in harsh reality. I've been experiencing more and more weird stuff with this pregnancy as I've gotten further along, and I've decided I want to complain about a few things nobody warned me about...or if they did, they sugar-coated it enough to where I thought it would only be a minor inconvenience, not the rage-inducing pain the the ass it has become. These are in no particular order, and honestly, this is just a way for me to vent so I can move on with life today.

1) Your belly doesn't really grow gradually. It comes in bursts. If this was gradual, I could adapt...no, instead it's bursts of gain and just as I get used to the new weight, more of it shows up! As a result, I have trouble putting on my own shoes (even slip on ones!) You know you get a belly (duh) but they also neglect to tell you that breathing becomes nearly impossible...they say "oh yeah, it's tricky with baby there"...bite me. "tricky" is catching my breath after laughing a bit. This is "I just ran from a serial killer, dear God help me breathe!" levels of difficult.

2) You will miss the days of an easy poop. Nobody tells you this. Ever. You find out AFTER you're pregnant and the difficulties begin. Regularity goes out the window. Easy in and out of the bathroom trips are a thing of the past. You go from fine to "OH MY GOD BATHROOM NOW!!!!" in a matter of seconds. If you research it enough, you eventually find some information on why this is...but it's not one of those upfront things. I really could've used a little bit of warning on this one.

3) You will experience things coming out of you that you never imagined could be considered "normal." So, to be honest, all women know that strange things come out of your vagina under normal circumstances..it's why most of us don't have to douche. Your body does it's think, and it's a minor inconvenience at its worst. We also are told that the discharge will increase with pregnancy since your cervix is doing its actual job and sealing off your uterus now.

So what's my problem?

Nobody warned me about what happens to this "minor inconvenience" during the 3rd trimester! Nobody told me that the "slightly more than average" discharge would become a huge inconvenience, a mess, and a general source of discomfort. Fortunately I have a great OB team who managed to calm me down when I was convinced that I was leaking and going into super early labor and things were going to hell in a handbasket. Seriously, THEY DON'T WARN YOU THIS HAPPENS IN THE 3RD TRIMESTER! This is my warning to the world: As long as it stays normal looking and smelling, you'll be fine but a lot wetter than you have been through the entire rest of the pregnancy. I think I'm keeping the pad/pantiliner companies in business just by being pregnant.

4.Sleeping is almost impossible. I am the kind of person who sleeps sprawled out on my back. Thanks to the beach ball of liquid in the middle of me, that isn't exactly a possibility, so I have to attempt to sleep on my side. Not only is it uncomfortable in the best of circumstances for me, but it makes my hips hurt, which just screws me up for the rest of the day. When I do sleep, it's a couple of hours here and there just from sheer exhaustion. I guess it's training for having a newborn, but god do I miss sleeping. Because of the lack of sleep, I'm cranky and on edge all of the time. Mix that with the last trimester hormones and I'm a freaking awesome person to be around.

So, I guess the whole point of this whiny rant is that I am very much ready to be done with pregnancy. It's not fun or cute anymore. I'm huge, I'm uncomfortable, and I just want ONE NIGHT OF SLEEP. I know that last thing won't happen for quite a while, but just the idea of being able to sleep on my back again is sustaining me through this last few weeks.

Ideas and whatnot.

So I got a nice kick in the teeth earlier. I thought I could update our insurance policy to reflect the new car online. I can't. The website is down for reconstruction and won't be back until October 1. boo.

Good news: Under Ohio Law, since this can happen and since titles aren't always instantaneous with new cars, I have 30 days to get the insurance policy updated. Meaning, it can wait until Monday when someone is in the office (seriously?! NOON closing on a Friday?!) and I'm not breaking the law. Huge relief there.

Dad got most of the work done on the Blazer, so I'm allowed to drive it now. The only thing needing done now is the rear end, and it's not something that is critical and will break on me right now and strand me. Oh, and I would like to put stock size tires back on it since the previous owner was a moron who put 30inch offroading tires on a passenger vehicle...that's why the rear end differential is damaged. The tires will be quite lovely for winter if it's rough like it was last year, but other than that, they're overkill.

I've decided that the bumper stickers I usually adorn my vehicles with will not be true stickers on this one. I have a few errands to run and while I'm out I'm going to buy some craft magnets and turn my bumper stickers into removable art, so when I get bored with it or get rid of the Blazer I don't have to go through the hassle of trying to replace my stickers again.

Right now the only one that I won't be able to replace is my suicide prevention sticker. All the others I have duplicates of (ie: mentally incontinent stickers I've hoarded over the years.) or are no longer relevant. Example: The dragon stickers. I have others, and those have served their purpose.

I realize that I'm all over the place recently, but that's all I seem to be able to manage.

Stuff We Need For Baby

Baby registries bother me. They lock you in to a specific brand and color, and while I love Amazon, I know a lot of people don't like to shop online or want to get something else blah blah blah, so here we go. I'm going to put a list of everything we still need for the baby. I know it's a lot of stuff, but I'm just wrapping up the 2nd trimester and didn't want to deal with a lot of baby clutter earlier than was necessary. Also, as far as colors/themes go, despite the fact that we're having a girl we want lots of different colors for her, and if you need a theme, keep the idea of an explorer in your head. I'll update this as we either come up with things we need to have enough of something. Baby shower details are pending for those who are asking.

• Long sleeve onesies
• hats
• socks
• small packages of diapers in different brands (gotta figure out what works!)
• Desitin or similar (store brands are OK with us)
• Newborn pants (winter baby, I need to be able to layer her up)
• Sleepsacks (seriously, have you seen these? AWESOME!)
• Cloth diapers without fasteners OR burp cloths (whichever ends up being easier/cheaper to find)
• Sheets for pack-n-play/porta crib
• baby washcloths and towels
• baby-friendly digital thermometer
• baby monitor (audio-only..get me that stupid video one and I'll shoot you)
• Bottle brushes to clean the zillions of bottles we have
• Receiving blankets

Randomly short annoyed rant

I just want to say to every single person who has called me a hypocrite because I believe in equal rights and yet took my husband's last name: BITE ME.

I believe in choice. I chose to change my last name. It felt right to me. If a woman gets married and chooses something else because that feels right to her, awesome.

Lay off my fucking case already.

Love,
Tonee Keating

The Worst-kept secret in my personal history

I'm posting this hear with the request that nobody mention anything on Facebook about it yet. I'll explain later in the post, but please, for now, don't mention anything on Facebook. kthanks.

Anyhow, the worst kept secret in my personal history is this:
Thanks to a mishap on our vacation to DC at the end of February, the Keatings are now expecting to become a family of 3 in mid-to-late November. Pending my ultrasound in about 3 weeks, my current due date is November 21.

I've been dying to tell everyone, but after my miscarriage in December, I've been scared to get excited. Fortunately, this little one has stuck around for 15 weeks now, so the odds of a miscarriage now have dropped roughly 80%, so I'm not nearly as freaked as I was, say, a month ago. I'm sure most people have figured it out by now, but since Nate's dad doesn't know yet and he's on Facebook...well, you now see my reasoning. I don't want him finding out via Facebook that he has a second grandchild on the way. So you all know, it's not that we're terrible people who just haven't told him, it's that he's out of town ALL THE TIME for his job, and Nate wanted to tell him in person.

So why am I telling everyone now and now just waiting 3 weeks until I get the ultrasound like my original plan?

Because I'm showing already. Just barely, but anyone who has been around me even in my chubby stages or who has been around a pregnant woman can tell this is not a chubby stage. I have the tiniest of baby bumps showing up...just enough to where my normal pants do not fit and there is just enough of a gap between the button and the hole to keep the old rubber band and safety pin tricks from working. So yes, I caved and went and bought a couple of pairs of maternity pants. Honestly, I didn't realize how uncomfortable normal clothing had gotten until I put on those maternity capris. Oh good lord thank you for the comfy elastic waistband.

So yeah, for those of you who have suspected it, it's true. I'm pregnant. I still think the coolest part is hearing the little heartbeat when I go to the doctor. It's very strong and they are extremely pleased by all things medical thus far. Last week when I went in the baby decided to kick the microphone of the machine every time she poked him with it. Since I don't know what the baby is yet, I say "him" a lot, just FYI. Wishful thinking, perhaps?

Anyhow, it was a trip hearing the strong little "thunkathunkathunka" interrupted suddenly by a "POW!" where baby's foot decided it didn't like being poked at, even through my skin and everything. I've felt a couple of little flutters where the baby is moving around, but since he's still so tiny it's very hard for anyone else to feel him unless I have eaten within the last half hour, I lay down flat on my back, and you poke in just the right place. Doc says in a couple of weeks it should be easier for outsiders to feel the little one.

I've been so scared to get excited until now. Now that medicine and statistics are on my side, my concern of having another miscarriage is no longer at the forefront but more of something I'm aware can happen but that doesn't make me freak out randomly anymore.

Nate's dad is supposed to be in town this week, so Nate is going to tell him sometime very soon. Then I'll post any pictures and updates people want to see all over the place because it will no longer be the worst kept secret in my personal history.

Oh, and for anyone keeping track I am officially 15 weeks along (pending ultrasound; you all know how ovulation isn't an exact science, so that might shift by up to a week) and I haven't gained any weight despite the obvious size change. Apparently it's pretty common for women to lose a little weight throughout the first trimester while baby gains, so you pretty much break even.

I'm still undecided about whether or not I'm going to find out the sex of the baby. I want the surprise and I don't want people buying me all pink or all blue crap, however I think the theme we've picked is gender neutral enough to keep people in line even if we do find out.

Due to my history with depression I've been talking with a councilor off and on that my OB hooked me up with. It's not a regular therapy thing, just a phone call or a quick chat here and there if I have concerns, but therapy is an option if either I or the doctors feel I need it. We're trying to nip any complications from my depression in the bud before they become troublesome for me or baby. One thought she had on finding out the baby's gender is that doing so might allow me to connect better with the baby as I'll then be able to fully picture the baby and have names and whatnot and that extra little bond might help stave off postpartum just a bit. It's still my choice, but I am taking her points into strong consideration. I mean, I've known since I was about 5 weeks along that I was pregnant, so even finding out the sex at about 18 weeks will be a fun little surprise.

I'm considering. I'll probably decide the day of the ultrasound when I walk into the waiting area, but at least I have some things to consider on both sides of the argument.

This ended up being a lot longer and more rambling than I meant it to be; I guess I had more to blurt out than I originally thought.

Once again, my only request is to keep this off of Facebook until you see me talking about it on Facebook.