Saturday, December 24, 2011
Stalking pays off
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Random Cute Moment
That cute look melts my heart. I'm amazed at how much personality a baby can have at only 4 weeks old.
Going back to work is going to be nearly impossible for me. I don't want to be away from her that much!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Pictures!
For your viewing pleasure: random pictures of my daughter!
Brand new, just 2 minutes old
About a day old; still my favorite picture!
A week old. This is what I get for saying "Look at mommy, Adelle!"
Pretty sure I've been replaced, but I'm OK with that fact.
A week old. This is what I get for saying "Look at mommy, Adelle!"
Monday, November 21, 2011
Adelle's Birth Story
So people have asked, and now that I'm home and having a remotely lucid moment, I'm going to post quickly about my experience last week with having the baby.
Monday Morning: We went to OSU for my scheduled nonstress test/amniotic fluid check. It's a pretty standard thing they do when you're a week overdue just to make sure that all of baby's life support systems are still functioning. The fluid level was great, and my blood pressure wasn't misbehaving too much. The baby, however, was being a bit uncooperative. They had to buzz her to get the kind of reaction they wanted, and with her being overdue they decided to admit me and do an induction THAT DAY. Did I mention that the appointment was at 8am, so I had a small breakfast around 6:30am and had not been prepared for a stay in the hospital?
Fast forward. My cervix wasn't where they wanted it to be, so they started me on the first round of drugs around Noon when I was only about 60% effaced. I stalled out eventually at around 80% effaced.
12:33am Tuesday: As the nurse was coming in to check me out and start the pitocin, my water broke. WEIRDEST FEELING EVER. I was snoozing a bit, and I remember thinking I heard voices as I was waking up, feeling a weird pop, and saying "I just felt a weird thing and now I'm wet. I think my water broke." Sure enough, it had. Start pitocin!
2:00am: The contractions were coming fast and furious and making my hips feel like they were ripping apart, so I got an epidural. It worked perfectly and I was able to get some sleep. The contractions kept coming about 2-3 minutes apart, but I barely felt them so I didn't care.
Here's where the fun starts. Around 6:30am, they stopped the pitocin because baby's heart rate wasn't optimal. Once she stabilized (before noon) they restarted it to see if we couldn't get me the rest of the way into active labor.
It didn't work. By 2pm, it looked like a C-Section was going to be our only option. They gave me another hour to try to progress and NOTHING. Stalled out at 5cm. Seriously, who the hell stalls out at 5cm?! Apparently I do! It was decided to go ahead and go with the c-section. I cried because that's not what I had wanted, but you do what you've gotta do.
At 4:28pm on November 15, 2011, Adelle Emoline joined us out here in the real world.
It took 3 people to get her out of my pelvis. Turns out labor had stalled because, as the surgeon said, "There was no way this kid was coming vaginally."
They joked that I had birthed a toddler. It was only a half-joke.
9 pounds, 14 ounces, 21.8 inches long.
Yeah. That's huge. At least we know I can grow 'em :-D
Now we're having fun trying to figure out how to be parents to a newborn when mommy isn't allowed to lift her own kid. 10lb weight limit thanks to the c-section and I have a 10lb kid. oy.
So, there you have it. Now that she's outside, all of the pains and problems I had at the end of the pregnancy are obviously explained.
Now, we have what seems to be colic already. Her checkup is tomorrow morning, so I'm hoping they can point us in a better direction. For now, I'm going to go nap since Nate can't handle being up all night with a screaming baby.
Monday Morning: We went to OSU for my scheduled nonstress test/amniotic fluid check. It's a pretty standard thing they do when you're a week overdue just to make sure that all of baby's life support systems are still functioning. The fluid level was great, and my blood pressure wasn't misbehaving too much. The baby, however, was being a bit uncooperative. They had to buzz her to get the kind of reaction they wanted, and with her being overdue they decided to admit me and do an induction THAT DAY. Did I mention that the appointment was at 8am, so I had a small breakfast around 6:30am and had not been prepared for a stay in the hospital?
Fast forward. My cervix wasn't where they wanted it to be, so they started me on the first round of drugs around Noon when I was only about 60% effaced. I stalled out eventually at around 80% effaced.
12:33am Tuesday: As the nurse was coming in to check me out and start the pitocin, my water broke. WEIRDEST FEELING EVER. I was snoozing a bit, and I remember thinking I heard voices as I was waking up, feeling a weird pop, and saying "I just felt a weird thing and now I'm wet. I think my water broke." Sure enough, it had. Start pitocin!
2:00am: The contractions were coming fast and furious and making my hips feel like they were ripping apart, so I got an epidural. It worked perfectly and I was able to get some sleep. The contractions kept coming about 2-3 minutes apart, but I barely felt them so I didn't care.
Here's where the fun starts. Around 6:30am, they stopped the pitocin because baby's heart rate wasn't optimal. Once she stabilized (before noon) they restarted it to see if we couldn't get me the rest of the way into active labor.
It didn't work. By 2pm, it looked like a C-Section was going to be our only option. They gave me another hour to try to progress and NOTHING. Stalled out at 5cm. Seriously, who the hell stalls out at 5cm?! Apparently I do! It was decided to go ahead and go with the c-section. I cried because that's not what I had wanted, but you do what you've gotta do.
At 4:28pm on November 15, 2011, Adelle Emoline joined us out here in the real world.
It took 3 people to get her out of my pelvis. Turns out labor had stalled because, as the surgeon said, "There was no way this kid was coming vaginally."
They joked that I had birthed a toddler. It was only a half-joke.
9 pounds, 14 ounces, 21.8 inches long.
Yeah. That's huge. At least we know I can grow 'em :-D
Now we're having fun trying to figure out how to be parents to a newborn when mommy isn't allowed to lift her own kid. 10lb weight limit thanks to the c-section and I have a 10lb kid. oy.
So, there you have it. Now that she's outside, all of the pains and problems I had at the end of the pregnancy are obviously explained.
Now, we have what seems to be colic already. Her checkup is tomorrow morning, so I'm hoping they can point us in a better direction. For now, I'm going to go nap since Nate can't handle being up all night with a screaming baby.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Update!
So it seems like this little one has decided to treat me like a majority of first time moms and show up late.
She's just like her father already!
So here's the rundown from the doctor this morning. For those of you keeping track, I've had prodromal labor issues for the last month or so and even the doc was convinced I'd have this baby by her due date. Due date was November 7.
My blood pressure has been running a bit high for me. If we're talking textbook, things are still within acceptable ranges, but it's high based on my medical history so they kept me a little longer and monitored me for a while just to be safe. There are no proteins and very minor swelling, so they don't believe it's late onset pre-eclampsia, but if anything goes sideways I'm to get my butt up to L&D.
My due date was changed halfway through this pregnancy due to how fast things were growing, measuring, etc. Since then, we've measured right on track for the EDD of November 7. We're now measuring a bit ahead. Baby is positioned well, and my fundal height is actually measuring big. They did some basic external exams, and all seems well with the little one. Yaay!
We have an end date in sight if she doesn't join us of her own accord.
The rundown:
Monday: go to OSU L&D for an ultrasound, nonstress test, BP monitoring..pretty much the whole battery of tests they do on anyone a week after their due date just to make sure things really are just fine.
Tuesday: Back to the OB to go over test results, monitor my BP some more, that sort of thing.
Friday: Induction. Yup. If she doesn't join us on her own, they are inducing me Friday evening. They wanted to do it a little closer to my due date, but since there is no medical emergency I got the first non-emergency time slot available. I have it scheduled for 6pm Friday, so theoretically next weekend there will be a baby in our family!
I'm hoping she joins us before then, but it wouldn't be the first time a woman has had to be induced because baby was just too darned comfortable :-D
It's crazy knowing that one way or another this baby will be showing up soon. So, let's all just hope that she joins us on her own so we can avoid the induction. I don't want to be stuck on those monitors more than necessary!
She's just like her father already!
So here's the rundown from the doctor this morning. For those of you keeping track, I've had prodromal labor issues for the last month or so and even the doc was convinced I'd have this baby by her due date. Due date was November 7.
My blood pressure has been running a bit high for me. If we're talking textbook, things are still within acceptable ranges, but it's high based on my medical history so they kept me a little longer and monitored me for a while just to be safe. There are no proteins and very minor swelling, so they don't believe it's late onset pre-eclampsia, but if anything goes sideways I'm to get my butt up to L&D.
My due date was changed halfway through this pregnancy due to how fast things were growing, measuring, etc. Since then, we've measured right on track for the EDD of November 7. We're now measuring a bit ahead. Baby is positioned well, and my fundal height is actually measuring big. They did some basic external exams, and all seems well with the little one. Yaay!
We have an end date in sight if she doesn't join us of her own accord.
The rundown:
Monday: go to OSU L&D for an ultrasound, nonstress test, BP monitoring..pretty much the whole battery of tests they do on anyone a week after their due date just to make sure things really are just fine.
Tuesday: Back to the OB to go over test results, monitor my BP some more, that sort of thing.
Friday: Induction. Yup. If she doesn't join us on her own, they are inducing me Friday evening. They wanted to do it a little closer to my due date, but since there is no medical emergency I got the first non-emergency time slot available. I have it scheduled for 6pm Friday, so theoretically next weekend there will be a baby in our family!
I'm hoping she joins us before then, but it wouldn't be the first time a woman has had to be induced because baby was just too darned comfortable :-D
It's crazy knowing that one way or another this baby will be showing up soon. So, let's all just hope that she joins us on her own so we can avoid the induction. I don't want to be stuck on those monitors more than necessary!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Officially on Baby Watch
Today I am considered 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I am considered full term, so at this point the baby can come whenever the heck she wants and it won't be any sort of medical risk to either of us.
Monday in the mid-afternoon I started getting cramps akin to those that usually accompany a period. They don't get any better or worse, so I pretty much just have to deal with this until I pop into the doctor tomorrow AM for my checkup.
Today I've been told to stay home, relax, rest, sleep, etc. to see if the pain eases off. It hasn't yet, and I've had a ton of water to help combat the cramps. Here in a bit I'm going to try a hot bath to see if that helps.
I honestly think I'm hitting early labor. If I go in tomorrow and nothing has happened as far as my body shifting towards popping out this kid, I will absolutely lose it.
I have been psychologically prepared for the pain of labor and delivery, but the pain that has settled in since baby dropped is ridiculous. Nobody warned me about this part. I also wasn't prepared for nasty cramps that don't go away but don't lead to anything, either. I was expecting cramps to come in and ultimately lead to my kid being born.
So yeah. That's the update. I'm miserable with nothing to show for it.
On the plus side, we've gotten almost everything together for the arrival of this critter. We have the big critical stuff ready to go, and just need a few odds and ends here and there. I would post a belly pic, but I've avoided taking any since that is one of the emotional triggers I've noticed. I can't wait to just wear normal clothing again!
Monday in the mid-afternoon I started getting cramps akin to those that usually accompany a period. They don't get any better or worse, so I pretty much just have to deal with this until I pop into the doctor tomorrow AM for my checkup.
Today I've been told to stay home, relax, rest, sleep, etc. to see if the pain eases off. It hasn't yet, and I've had a ton of water to help combat the cramps. Here in a bit I'm going to try a hot bath to see if that helps.
I honestly think I'm hitting early labor. If I go in tomorrow and nothing has happened as far as my body shifting towards popping out this kid, I will absolutely lose it.
I have been psychologically prepared for the pain of labor and delivery, but the pain that has settled in since baby dropped is ridiculous. Nobody warned me about this part. I also wasn't prepared for nasty cramps that don't go away but don't lead to anything, either. I was expecting cramps to come in and ultimately lead to my kid being born.
So yeah. That's the update. I'm miserable with nothing to show for it.
On the plus side, we've gotten almost everything together for the arrival of this critter. We have the big critical stuff ready to go, and just need a few odds and ends here and there. I would post a belly pic, but I've avoided taking any since that is one of the emotional triggers I've noticed. I can't wait to just wear normal clothing again!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
47 Days To Go
47 Days to go until our due date...just shy of 7 weeks.
I just want to say that this kid better be worth it. I am done being pregnant. I am done feeling huge, I am done being uncomfortable all the freaking time, and I'm done with the quirks of pregnancy. I realize my body will never be quite the same again, but I want at least some predictability and familiarity back. I want to be able to sleep on my back again.
I'm still waiting for the glow everyone talks about. All I seem to have is a puberty-level zit breakout and an awkward gait. I've avoiding taking pictures this whole time because I just flat out feel awful. I know I'm going to regret not putting weekly pictures in my pregnancy keepsake book, but it's hard to ask someone to take a picture when you just feel like a freaking whale. I don't like going out in public like this, let alone having photographic evidence of it.
That's another thing...I don't like how much I'm complaining, but I can't think of any other way to deal with it. I'd rather just rant, get it over with, and move on. As they say, it's a little late now to change my mind :-)
Honestly, though, I can't wait to meet this kid. We're trying to figure out what she's going to look like...and we have no idea. After all, I'm a blonde born of a brunette and a redhead, so who the hell knows. The general consensus right now is that we're going to end up with a redhead. It would be suiting that both Keating girls are redheads. If she is, though, heaven help us all :-D
I just want to say that this kid better be worth it. I am done being pregnant. I am done feeling huge, I am done being uncomfortable all the freaking time, and I'm done with the quirks of pregnancy. I realize my body will never be quite the same again, but I want at least some predictability and familiarity back. I want to be able to sleep on my back again.
I'm still waiting for the glow everyone talks about. All I seem to have is a puberty-level zit breakout and an awkward gait. I've avoiding taking pictures this whole time because I just flat out feel awful. I know I'm going to regret not putting weekly pictures in my pregnancy keepsake book, but it's hard to ask someone to take a picture when you just feel like a freaking whale. I don't like going out in public like this, let alone having photographic evidence of it.
That's another thing...I don't like how much I'm complaining, but I can't think of any other way to deal with it. I'd rather just rant, get it over with, and move on. As they say, it's a little late now to change my mind :-)
Honestly, though, I can't wait to meet this kid. We're trying to figure out what she's going to look like...and we have no idea. After all, I'm a blonde born of a brunette and a redhead, so who the hell knows. The general consensus right now is that we're going to end up with a redhead. It would be suiting that both Keating girls are redheads. If she is, though, heaven help us all :-D
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Random Things Nobody Told Me About Pregnancy
I am currently just shy of 32 weeks pregnant, meaning I've got just under 2 months until my little parasite is due to join us out here in harsh reality. I've been experiencing more and more weird stuff with this pregnancy as I've gotten further along, and I've decided I want to complain about a few things nobody warned me about...or if they did, they sugar-coated it enough to where I thought it would only be a minor inconvenience, not the rage-inducing pain the the ass it has become. These are in no particular order, and honestly, this is just a way for me to vent so I can move on with life today.
1) Your belly doesn't really grow gradually. It comes in bursts. If this was gradual, I could adapt...no, instead it's bursts of gain and just as I get used to the new weight, more of it shows up! As a result, I have trouble putting on my own shoes (even slip on ones!) You know you get a belly (duh) but they also neglect to tell you that breathing becomes nearly impossible...they say "oh yeah, it's tricky with baby there"...bite me. "tricky" is catching my breath after laughing a bit. This is "I just ran from a serial killer, dear God help me breathe!" levels of difficult.
2) You will miss the days of an easy poop. Nobody tells you this. Ever. You find out AFTER you're pregnant and the difficulties begin. Regularity goes out the window. Easy in and out of the bathroom trips are a thing of the past. You go from fine to "OH MY GOD BATHROOM NOW!!!!" in a matter of seconds. If you research it enough, you eventually find some information on why this is...but it's not one of those upfront things. I really could've used a little bit of warning on this one.
3) You will experience things coming out of you that you never imagined could be considered "normal." So, to be honest, all women know that strange things come out of your vagina under normal circumstances..it's why most of us don't have to douche. Your body does it's think, and it's a minor inconvenience at its worst. We also are told that the discharge will increase with pregnancy since your cervix is doing its actual job and sealing off your uterus now.
So what's my problem?
Nobody warned me about what happens to this "minor inconvenience" during the 3rd trimester! Nobody told me that the "slightly more than average" discharge would become a huge inconvenience, a mess, and a general source of discomfort. Fortunately I have a great OB team who managed to calm me down when I was convinced that I was leaking and going into super early labor and things were going to hell in a handbasket. Seriously, THEY DON'T WARN YOU THIS HAPPENS IN THE 3RD TRIMESTER! This is my warning to the world: As long as it stays normal looking and smelling, you'll be fine but a lot wetter than you have been through the entire rest of the pregnancy. I think I'm keeping the pad/pantiliner companies in business just by being pregnant.
4.Sleeping is almost impossible. I am the kind of person who sleeps sprawled out on my back. Thanks to the beach ball of liquid in the middle of me, that isn't exactly a possibility, so I have to attempt to sleep on my side. Not only is it uncomfortable in the best of circumstances for me, but it makes my hips hurt, which just screws me up for the rest of the day. When I do sleep, it's a couple of hours here and there just from sheer exhaustion. I guess it's training for having a newborn, but god do I miss sleeping. Because of the lack of sleep, I'm cranky and on edge all of the time. Mix that with the last trimester hormones and I'm a freaking awesome person to be around.
So, I guess the whole point of this whiny rant is that I am very much ready to be done with pregnancy. It's not fun or cute anymore. I'm huge, I'm uncomfortable, and I just want ONE NIGHT OF SLEEP. I know that last thing won't happen for quite a while, but just the idea of being able to sleep on my back again is sustaining me through this last few weeks.
1) Your belly doesn't really grow gradually. It comes in bursts. If this was gradual, I could adapt...no, instead it's bursts of gain and just as I get used to the new weight, more of it shows up! As a result, I have trouble putting on my own shoes (even slip on ones!) You know you get a belly (duh) but they also neglect to tell you that breathing becomes nearly impossible...they say "oh yeah, it's tricky with baby there"...bite me. "tricky" is catching my breath after laughing a bit. This is "I just ran from a serial killer, dear God help me breathe!" levels of difficult.
2) You will miss the days of an easy poop. Nobody tells you this. Ever. You find out AFTER you're pregnant and the difficulties begin. Regularity goes out the window. Easy in and out of the bathroom trips are a thing of the past. You go from fine to "OH MY GOD BATHROOM NOW!!!!" in a matter of seconds. If you research it enough, you eventually find some information on why this is...but it's not one of those upfront things. I really could've used a little bit of warning on this one.
3) You will experience things coming out of you that you never imagined could be considered "normal." So, to be honest, all women know that strange things come out of your vagina under normal circumstances..it's why most of us don't have to douche. Your body does it's think, and it's a minor inconvenience at its worst. We also are told that the discharge will increase with pregnancy since your cervix is doing its actual job and sealing off your uterus now.
So what's my problem?
Nobody warned me about what happens to this "minor inconvenience" during the 3rd trimester! Nobody told me that the "slightly more than average" discharge would become a huge inconvenience, a mess, and a general source of discomfort. Fortunately I have a great OB team who managed to calm me down when I was convinced that I was leaking and going into super early labor and things were going to hell in a handbasket. Seriously, THEY DON'T WARN YOU THIS HAPPENS IN THE 3RD TRIMESTER! This is my warning to the world: As long as it stays normal looking and smelling, you'll be fine but a lot wetter than you have been through the entire rest of the pregnancy. I think I'm keeping the pad/pantiliner companies in business just by being pregnant.
4.Sleeping is almost impossible. I am the kind of person who sleeps sprawled out on my back. Thanks to the beach ball of liquid in the middle of me, that isn't exactly a possibility, so I have to attempt to sleep on my side. Not only is it uncomfortable in the best of circumstances for me, but it makes my hips hurt, which just screws me up for the rest of the day. When I do sleep, it's a couple of hours here and there just from sheer exhaustion. I guess it's training for having a newborn, but god do I miss sleeping. Because of the lack of sleep, I'm cranky and on edge all of the time. Mix that with the last trimester hormones and I'm a freaking awesome person to be around.
So, I guess the whole point of this whiny rant is that I am very much ready to be done with pregnancy. It's not fun or cute anymore. I'm huge, I'm uncomfortable, and I just want ONE NIGHT OF SLEEP. I know that last thing won't happen for quite a while, but just the idea of being able to sleep on my back again is sustaining me through this last few weeks.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ideas and whatnot.
So I got a nice kick in the teeth earlier. I thought I could update our insurance policy to reflect the new car online. I can't. The website is down for reconstruction and won't be back until October 1. boo.
Good news: Under Ohio Law, since this can happen and since titles aren't always instantaneous with new cars, I have 30 days to get the insurance policy updated. Meaning, it can wait until Monday when someone is in the office (seriously?! NOON closing on a Friday?!) and I'm not breaking the law. Huge relief there.
Dad got most of the work done on the Blazer, so I'm allowed to drive it now. The only thing needing done now is the rear end, and it's not something that is critical and will break on me right now and strand me. Oh, and I would like to put stock size tires back on it since the previous owner was a moron who put 30inch offroading tires on a passenger vehicle...that's why the rear end differential is damaged. The tires will be quite lovely for winter if it's rough like it was last year, but other than that, they're overkill.
I've decided that the bumper stickers I usually adorn my vehicles with will not be true stickers on this one. I have a few errands to run and while I'm out I'm going to buy some craft magnets and turn my bumper stickers into removable art, so when I get bored with it or get rid of the Blazer I don't have to go through the hassle of trying to replace my stickers again.
Right now the only one that I won't be able to replace is my suicide prevention sticker. All the others I have duplicates of (ie: mentally incontinent stickers I've hoarded over the years.) or are no longer relevant. Example: The dragon stickers. I have others, and those have served their purpose.
I realize that I'm all over the place recently, but that's all I seem to be able to manage.
Good news: Under Ohio Law, since this can happen and since titles aren't always instantaneous with new cars, I have 30 days to get the insurance policy updated. Meaning, it can wait until Monday when someone is in the office (seriously?! NOON closing on a Friday?!) and I'm not breaking the law. Huge relief there.
Dad got most of the work done on the Blazer, so I'm allowed to drive it now. The only thing needing done now is the rear end, and it's not something that is critical and will break on me right now and strand me. Oh, and I would like to put stock size tires back on it since the previous owner was a moron who put 30inch offroading tires on a passenger vehicle...that's why the rear end differential is damaged. The tires will be quite lovely for winter if it's rough like it was last year, but other than that, they're overkill.
I've decided that the bumper stickers I usually adorn my vehicles with will not be true stickers on this one. I have a few errands to run and while I'm out I'm going to buy some craft magnets and turn my bumper stickers into removable art, so when I get bored with it or get rid of the Blazer I don't have to go through the hassle of trying to replace my stickers again.
Right now the only one that I won't be able to replace is my suicide prevention sticker. All the others I have duplicates of (ie: mentally incontinent stickers I've hoarded over the years.) or are no longer relevant. Example: The dragon stickers. I have others, and those have served their purpose.
I realize that I'm all over the place recently, but that's all I seem to be able to manage.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Stuff We Need For Baby
Baby registries bother me. They lock you in to a specific brand and color, and while I love Amazon, I know a lot of people don't like to shop online or want to get something else blah blah blah, so here we go. I'm going to put a list of everything we still need for the baby. I know it's a lot of stuff, but I'm just wrapping up the 2nd trimester and didn't want to deal with a lot of baby clutter earlier than was necessary. Also, as far as colors/themes go, despite the fact that we're having a girl we want lots of different colors for her, and if you need a theme, keep the idea of an explorer in your head. I'll update this as we either come up with things we need to have enough of something. Baby shower details are pending for those who are asking.
- Long sleeve onesies
- hats
- socks
- small packages of diapers in different brands (gotta figure out what works!)
- Desitin or similar (store brands are OK with us)
- Newborn pants (winter baby, I need to be able to layer her up)
- Sleepsacks (seriously, have you seen these? AWESOME!)
- Cloth diapers without fasteners OR burp cloths (whichever ends up being easier/cheaper to find)
- Sheets for pack-n-play/porta crib
- baby washcloths and towels
- baby-friendly digital thermometer
- baby monitor (audio-only..get me that stupid video one and I'll shoot you)
- Bottle brushes to clean the zillions of bottles we have
- Receiving blankets
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Randomly short annoyed rant
I just want to say to every single person who has called me a hypocrite because I believe in equal rights and yet took my husband's last name: BITE ME.
I believe in choice. I chose to change my last name. It felt right to me. If a woman gets married and chooses something else because that feels right to her, awesome.
Lay off my fucking case already.
Love,
Tonee Keating
I believe in choice. I chose to change my last name. It felt right to me. If a woman gets married and chooses something else because that feels right to her, awesome.
Lay off my fucking case already.
Love,
Tonee Keating
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Worst-kept secret in my personal history
I'm posting this hear with the request that nobody mention anything on Facebook about it yet. I'll explain later in the post, but please, for now, don't mention anything on Facebook. kthanks.
Anyhow, the worst kept secret in my personal history is this:
Thanks to a mishap on our vacation to DC at the end of February, the Keatings are now expecting to become a family of 3 in mid-to-late November. Pending my ultrasound in about 3 weeks, my current due date is November 21.
I've been dying to tell everyone, but after my miscarriage in December, I've been scared to get excited. Fortunately, this little one has stuck around for 15 weeks now, so the odds of a miscarriage now have dropped roughly 80%, so I'm not nearly as freaked as I was, say, a month ago. I'm sure most people have figured it out by now, but since Nate's dad doesn't know yet and he's on Facebook...well, you now see my reasoning. I don't want him finding out via Facebook that he has a second grandchild on the way. So you all know, it's not that we're terrible people who just haven't told him, it's that he's out of town ALL THE TIME for his job, and Nate wanted to tell him in person.
So why am I telling everyone now and now just waiting 3 weeks until I get the ultrasound like my original plan?
Because I'm showing already. Just barely, but anyone who has been around me even in my chubby stages or who has been around a pregnant woman can tell this is not a chubby stage. I have the tiniest of baby bumps showing up...just enough to where my normal pants do not fit and there is just enough of a gap between the button and the hole to keep the old rubber band and safety pin tricks from working. So yes, I caved and went and bought a couple of pairs of maternity pants. Honestly, I didn't realize how uncomfortable normal clothing had gotten until I put on those maternity capris. Oh good lord thank you for the comfy elastic waistband.
So yeah, for those of you who have suspected it, it's true. I'm pregnant. I still think the coolest part is hearing the little heartbeat when I go to the doctor. It's very strong and they are extremely pleased by all things medical thus far. Last week when I went in the baby decided to kick the microphone of the machine every time she poked him with it. Since I don't know what the baby is yet, I say "him" a lot, just FYI. Wishful thinking, perhaps?
Anyhow, it was a trip hearing the strong little "thunkathunkathunka" interrupted suddenly by a "POW!" where baby's foot decided it didn't like being poked at, even through my skin and everything. I've felt a couple of little flutters where the baby is moving around, but since he's still so tiny it's very hard for anyone else to feel him unless I have eaten within the last half hour, I lay down flat on my back, and you poke in just the right place. Doc says in a couple of weeks it should be easier for outsiders to feel the little one.
I've been so scared to get excited until now. Now that medicine and statistics are on my side, my concern of having another miscarriage is no longer at the forefront but more of something I'm aware can happen but that doesn't make me freak out randomly anymore.
Nate's dad is supposed to be in town this week, so Nate is going to tell him sometime very soon. Then I'll post any pictures and updates people want to see all over the place because it will no longer be the worst kept secret in my personal history.
Oh, and for anyone keeping track I am officially 15 weeks along (pending ultrasound; you all know how ovulation isn't an exact science, so that might shift by up to a week) and I haven't gained any weight despite the obvious size change. Apparently it's pretty common for women to lose a little weight throughout the first trimester while baby gains, so you pretty much break even.
I'm still undecided about whether or not I'm going to find out the sex of the baby. I want the surprise and I don't want people buying me all pink or all blue crap, however I think the theme we've picked is gender neutral enough to keep people in line even if we do find out.
Due to my history with depression I've been talking with a councilor off and on that my OB hooked me up with. It's not a regular therapy thing, just a phone call or a quick chat here and there if I have concerns, but therapy is an option if either I or the doctors feel I need it. We're trying to nip any complications from my depression in the bud before they become troublesome for me or baby. One thought she had on finding out the baby's gender is that doing so might allow me to connect better with the baby as I'll then be able to fully picture the baby and have names and whatnot and that extra little bond might help stave off postpartum just a bit. It's still my choice, but I am taking her points into strong consideration. I mean, I've known since I was about 5 weeks along that I was pregnant, so even finding out the sex at about 18 weeks will be a fun little surprise.
I'm considering. I'll probably decide the day of the ultrasound when I walk into the waiting area, but at least I have some things to consider on both sides of the argument.
This ended up being a lot longer and more rambling than I meant it to be; I guess I had more to blurt out than I originally thought.
Once again, my only request is to keep this off of Facebook until you see me talking about it on Facebook.
Anyhow, the worst kept secret in my personal history is this:
Thanks to a mishap on our vacation to DC at the end of February, the Keatings are now expecting to become a family of 3 in mid-to-late November. Pending my ultrasound in about 3 weeks, my current due date is November 21.
I've been dying to tell everyone, but after my miscarriage in December, I've been scared to get excited. Fortunately, this little one has stuck around for 15 weeks now, so the odds of a miscarriage now have dropped roughly 80%, so I'm not nearly as freaked as I was, say, a month ago. I'm sure most people have figured it out by now, but since Nate's dad doesn't know yet and he's on Facebook...well, you now see my reasoning. I don't want him finding out via Facebook that he has a second grandchild on the way. So you all know, it's not that we're terrible people who just haven't told him, it's that he's out of town ALL THE TIME for his job, and Nate wanted to tell him in person.
So why am I telling everyone now and now just waiting 3 weeks until I get the ultrasound like my original plan?
Because I'm showing already. Just barely, but anyone who has been around me even in my chubby stages or who has been around a pregnant woman can tell this is not a chubby stage. I have the tiniest of baby bumps showing up...just enough to where my normal pants do not fit and there is just enough of a gap between the button and the hole to keep the old rubber band and safety pin tricks from working. So yes, I caved and went and bought a couple of pairs of maternity pants. Honestly, I didn't realize how uncomfortable normal clothing had gotten until I put on those maternity capris. Oh good lord thank you for the comfy elastic waistband.
So yeah, for those of you who have suspected it, it's true. I'm pregnant. I still think the coolest part is hearing the little heartbeat when I go to the doctor. It's very strong and they are extremely pleased by all things medical thus far. Last week when I went in the baby decided to kick the microphone of the machine every time she poked him with it. Since I don't know what the baby is yet, I say "him" a lot, just FYI. Wishful thinking, perhaps?
Anyhow, it was a trip hearing the strong little "thunkathunkathunka" interrupted suddenly by a "POW!" where baby's foot decided it didn't like being poked at, even through my skin and everything. I've felt a couple of little flutters where the baby is moving around, but since he's still so tiny it's very hard for anyone else to feel him unless I have eaten within the last half hour, I lay down flat on my back, and you poke in just the right place. Doc says in a couple of weeks it should be easier for outsiders to feel the little one.
I've been so scared to get excited until now. Now that medicine and statistics are on my side, my concern of having another miscarriage is no longer at the forefront but more of something I'm aware can happen but that doesn't make me freak out randomly anymore.
Nate's dad is supposed to be in town this week, so Nate is going to tell him sometime very soon. Then I'll post any pictures and updates people want to see all over the place because it will no longer be the worst kept secret in my personal history.
Oh, and for anyone keeping track I am officially 15 weeks along (pending ultrasound; you all know how ovulation isn't an exact science, so that might shift by up to a week) and I haven't gained any weight despite the obvious size change. Apparently it's pretty common for women to lose a little weight throughout the first trimester while baby gains, so you pretty much break even.
I'm still undecided about whether or not I'm going to find out the sex of the baby. I want the surprise and I don't want people buying me all pink or all blue crap, however I think the theme we've picked is gender neutral enough to keep people in line even if we do find out.
Due to my history with depression I've been talking with a councilor off and on that my OB hooked me up with. It's not a regular therapy thing, just a phone call or a quick chat here and there if I have concerns, but therapy is an option if either I or the doctors feel I need it. We're trying to nip any complications from my depression in the bud before they become troublesome for me or baby. One thought she had on finding out the baby's gender is that doing so might allow me to connect better with the baby as I'll then be able to fully picture the baby and have names and whatnot and that extra little bond might help stave off postpartum just a bit. It's still my choice, but I am taking her points into strong consideration. I mean, I've known since I was about 5 weeks along that I was pregnant, so even finding out the sex at about 18 weeks will be a fun little surprise.
I'm considering. I'll probably decide the day of the ultrasound when I walk into the waiting area, but at least I have some things to consider on both sides of the argument.
This ended up being a lot longer and more rambling than I meant it to be; I guess I had more to blurt out than I originally thought.
Once again, my only request is to keep this off of Facebook until you see me talking about it on Facebook.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Chocolatey Chocolate Awesome!
Yesterday my friend Lea at work brought in cookies she made to share. They were some of the absolute best chocolate truffle cookies I'd ever had, so of course I needed the recipe. She shared, and so I spent some time this afternoon making the cookies. I deviated from the directions a bit, but the end result is the same...the only difference is that the dough is a bit tougher to work with if you skip things like I did :-)
Here, for you all, are some pictures followed by the recipe. I apologize for not having total step-by-step pics, but when you have sticky chocolate dough all over your fingers it's kinda dumb to break out the camera.
Here they are, nearly done in my oven. The amazing cookie tray is courtesy of my wonderful sister-in-law. If you want to keep to the tradition and have them less cookie-like and more truffle-like, refridgerate the dough overnight. It makes it stiffer, slightly less sticky, and the cookies bake in the ball rather than flatten a bit like mine did.
Here they are cooling. Once they're cool, they get rolled in powdered sugar. Twice. YUM.
Here they are in all their squishy glory. You can't even begin to imagine how divine these things are.
For the dredging/coating/whatever you want to call it.
On a side note, everyone should get these SnapWare containers. I have one for flour, one for sugar, and one for powdered sugar. Life is grand with these things.
RECIPE!
Double Chocolate Truffle Cookies w/Hershey Kiss Centers
-1 cup softened margarine or butter
-1 teaspoon vanilla
-2/3 cup sugar
-1 2/3 cup flour
-1/4 cup cocoa powder
-1 bag Hershey kisses
-powdered sugar for coating (optional, but oh so tasty)
Cream the sugar, butter, and vanilla in a large bowl, set aside.
In another bowl, mix together the flour and cocoa. Slowly blend into the other mixture.
If you want them to stay ball-like, here is where you put the dough in the fridge. Overnight works best, but a couple of hours just to firm it up will work. I skipped this step and got a more cookie-like look. The taste is the same.
Once you've chosen your method, here is where you need to preheat the oven to 350.
Using a scant tablespoon, mold the dough around a kiss. Put 'em on a baking sheet and bake for 8-11 minutes until the cookies are set. I did mine at 11 and they came out perfect.
When they're done, they should still have an almost cake-like spongy quality to them, but they will still obviously be a cookie-like snack.
After they cool, coat them in powdered sugar. If you have them in a ball shape, just roll 'em through twice. If they are a cookie shape, flopping 'em in and covering them works just fine.
Store them in an airtight container and all is well in your chocolatey world for a while.
Here, for you all, are some pictures followed by the recipe. I apologize for not having total step-by-step pics, but when you have sticky chocolate dough all over your fingers it's kinda dumb to break out the camera.
Here they are, nearly done in my oven. The amazing cookie tray is courtesy of my wonderful sister-in-law. If you want to keep to the tradition and have them less cookie-like and more truffle-like, refridgerate the dough overnight. It makes it stiffer, slightly less sticky, and the cookies bake in the ball rather than flatten a bit like mine did.
Here they are cooling. Once they're cool, they get rolled in powdered sugar. Twice. YUM.
Here they are in all their squishy glory. You can't even begin to imagine how divine these things are.
On a side note, everyone should get these SnapWare containers. I have one for flour, one for sugar, and one for powdered sugar. Life is grand with these things.
And here we are, kids. Chocolate wrapped in more chocolate with a powdered sugar coating. Too. Damn. Delicious. The best part is, even when they're cool, the kisses have a gooey texture. God, I love these cookies. You should, too. Make them. Trust me, it's worth breaking your resolution diets.
RECIPE!
Double Chocolate Truffle Cookies w/Hershey Kiss Centers
-1 cup softened margarine or butter
-1 teaspoon vanilla
-2/3 cup sugar
-1 2/3 cup flour
-1/4 cup cocoa powder
-1 bag Hershey kisses
-powdered sugar for coating (optional, but oh so tasty)
Cream the sugar, butter, and vanilla in a large bowl, set aside.
In another bowl, mix together the flour and cocoa. Slowly blend into the other mixture.
If you want them to stay ball-like, here is where you put the dough in the fridge. Overnight works best, but a couple of hours just to firm it up will work. I skipped this step and got a more cookie-like look. The taste is the same.
Once you've chosen your method, here is where you need to preheat the oven to 350.
Using a scant tablespoon, mold the dough around a kiss. Put 'em on a baking sheet and bake for 8-11 minutes until the cookies are set. I did mine at 11 and they came out perfect.
When they're done, they should still have an almost cake-like spongy quality to them, but they will still obviously be a cookie-like snack.
After they cool, coat them in powdered sugar. If you have them in a ball shape, just roll 'em through twice. If they are a cookie shape, flopping 'em in and covering them works just fine.
Store them in an airtight container and all is well in your chocolatey world for a while.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Dealing because I have to
I've learned something about myself. I *really* want to be a mom.
I haven't recovered well from the miscarriage emotionally, especially for someone who knew she was pregnant for all of 3 days. I have several friends who are pregnant, and I find myself wanting to cry because I'm not right there with them. It's upsetting. I don't like being like this. I talked to my doctor about everything. He gave me the go-ahead to continue birth control and recommended that I stay on it until at least March to give my body time to fully heal and get back into its rhythms. He said after March, if we want, I can go off the pills and try again for real. He took me off the meds we think caused the surprise pregnancy in the first place, too. The FDA now has some more reports from that particular drug possibly interfering with birth control. It's something they hadn't studied before because no other drugs in that family had every shown any kind of interference. This one has a couple dozen across the country now. Not many, but still worth an investigation. Worst case scenario the drug (that works great for many people, but not me) will have to carry a label. Not a big deal.
I've decided in the meantime to take control of this house. I am purging. I'm cleaning and getting rid of anything and everything that I can't see a purpose for anymore. What stuff isn't complete junk is being donated or given to friends who could actually use it. By the way, anyone need a fairly handy plastic shelf? I purged enough stuff to where I don't need it anymore. Let me know.
One room at a time, I am reclaiming my house as my space. I am eliminating useless clutter. It's something I can control, and it gives me something to focus on.
Nate and I have also decided to start aggressively saving to buy a house. I see my purging as an ultimate service to myself. When the time comes to move, I'll have that much less stuff to pack up.
That's it, really. Nate & I got new phones. We both needed them. I'm cleaning. So there we go.
I haven't recovered well from the miscarriage emotionally, especially for someone who knew she was pregnant for all of 3 days. I have several friends who are pregnant, and I find myself wanting to cry because I'm not right there with them. It's upsetting. I don't like being like this. I talked to my doctor about everything. He gave me the go-ahead to continue birth control and recommended that I stay on it until at least March to give my body time to fully heal and get back into its rhythms. He said after March, if we want, I can go off the pills and try again for real. He took me off the meds we think caused the surprise pregnancy in the first place, too. The FDA now has some more reports from that particular drug possibly interfering with birth control. It's something they hadn't studied before because no other drugs in that family had every shown any kind of interference. This one has a couple dozen across the country now. Not many, but still worth an investigation. Worst case scenario the drug (that works great for many people, but not me) will have to carry a label. Not a big deal.
I've decided in the meantime to take control of this house. I am purging. I'm cleaning and getting rid of anything and everything that I can't see a purpose for anymore. What stuff isn't complete junk is being donated or given to friends who could actually use it. By the way, anyone need a fairly handy plastic shelf? I purged enough stuff to where I don't need it anymore. Let me know.
One room at a time, I am reclaiming my house as my space. I am eliminating useless clutter. It's something I can control, and it gives me something to focus on.
Nate and I have also decided to start aggressively saving to buy a house. I see my purging as an ultimate service to myself. When the time comes to move, I'll have that much less stuff to pack up.
That's it, really. Nate & I got new phones. We both needed them. I'm cleaning. So there we go.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Christmas 2010, the best and worst Christmas ever.
This past Christmas is officially going into my personal history as both the best and the worst Christmas ever.
On December 23rd, after a couple of weeks of really wondering, I took a pregnancy test. It was one of them where you pee in the cup and then dip the stick in the pee. You're supposed to hold the stick in the pee for 20 seconds, then put the cap on and let it sit flat for 2 minutes. Before the initial 20 seconds was up, the test turned positive. I sat in the bathroom making sure I followed the instructions exactly with a stopwatch in my hand...and sure enough at the 2 minute mark it was still bright blue and very positive.
After the initial freak out, Nate and I figured "it's OK, we can do this." After all, dumber and poorer people than us have managed to raise wonderful kids and if you wait until you're financially stable it'll never happen.
On Christmas, we told a couple of family members that we might just be expecting. The reaction from those family members reassured me that yes, this can be done, it'll be OK.
Then the pains started. Late Saturday night. I heard cramps and such could happen in early pregnancy, so I wasn't too worried.
Then Sunday came along. The worst pain I've ever experienced in my life started. And then the bleeding started. Without getting too detailed and disgusting, I will say I nearly called an ambulance there was so much of it. I knew immediately what was happening. I called Nate at work to tell him. I spent Sunday curled up on my couch crying and then running to the bathroom to...clean up. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't stop.
So in the span of a few days I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby. I'm a fucking statistic and I hate it. Depending on whose version of pregnancy math you use, I was between 5 and 7 weeks along. I was going to call the doctor on Monday to make the happy appointment, and I was going to tell my mom then. Sure enough instead I got to tell her that the reason I had been sick was because I had miscarried.
It's the worst feeling in the world, even though it was a complete surprise. While initially I was completely shocked and terrified, I got over that pretty quickly and started to get excited. I was figuring out how to rearrange the house to make room for baby stuff...I even bought myself a couple of books because we all know what a research junkie I am.
My heart is shattered. My mom tells me that at least it was all a big surprise, that we hadn't been trying for a baby..she says it's a blessing that it was all sorta there and gone. She insists that while it hurts, it's much worse when you're trying.
I can't imagine going through this when it's a planned pregnancy. I always knew it must be difficult, but now that I've gone through it...I'm scared. I'm scared that when we actively try it's gonna happen again and that it will just hurt worse and worse. I know that the statistics are now in my favor for a successful pregnancy, but let's face it, a broken heart doesn't listen to statistics and reason.
The worst part of all of this has got to be Nate's reactions. He's happy I miscarried. He also doesn't understand that I don't want to have sex for a while because I hurt and don't feel good. In every other way my husband is awesome, but in this respect he's just making it worse.
So yeah. There you go. Yes, I was pregnant, but I'm not now. I'm miserable about it and I just hate that I feel so miserable.
On December 23rd, after a couple of weeks of really wondering, I took a pregnancy test. It was one of them where you pee in the cup and then dip the stick in the pee. You're supposed to hold the stick in the pee for 20 seconds, then put the cap on and let it sit flat for 2 minutes. Before the initial 20 seconds was up, the test turned positive. I sat in the bathroom making sure I followed the instructions exactly with a stopwatch in my hand...and sure enough at the 2 minute mark it was still bright blue and very positive.
After the initial freak out, Nate and I figured "it's OK, we can do this." After all, dumber and poorer people than us have managed to raise wonderful kids and if you wait until you're financially stable it'll never happen.
On Christmas, we told a couple of family members that we might just be expecting. The reaction from those family members reassured me that yes, this can be done, it'll be OK.
Then the pains started. Late Saturday night. I heard cramps and such could happen in early pregnancy, so I wasn't too worried.
Then Sunday came along. The worst pain I've ever experienced in my life started. And then the bleeding started. Without getting too detailed and disgusting, I will say I nearly called an ambulance there was so much of it. I knew immediately what was happening. I called Nate at work to tell him. I spent Sunday curled up on my couch crying and then running to the bathroom to...clean up. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't stop.
So in the span of a few days I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby. I'm a fucking statistic and I hate it. Depending on whose version of pregnancy math you use, I was between 5 and 7 weeks along. I was going to call the doctor on Monday to make the happy appointment, and I was going to tell my mom then. Sure enough instead I got to tell her that the reason I had been sick was because I had miscarried.
It's the worst feeling in the world, even though it was a complete surprise. While initially I was completely shocked and terrified, I got over that pretty quickly and started to get excited. I was figuring out how to rearrange the house to make room for baby stuff...I even bought myself a couple of books because we all know what a research junkie I am.
My heart is shattered. My mom tells me that at least it was all a big surprise, that we hadn't been trying for a baby..she says it's a blessing that it was all sorta there and gone. She insists that while it hurts, it's much worse when you're trying.
I can't imagine going through this when it's a planned pregnancy. I always knew it must be difficult, but now that I've gone through it...I'm scared. I'm scared that when we actively try it's gonna happen again and that it will just hurt worse and worse. I know that the statistics are now in my favor for a successful pregnancy, but let's face it, a broken heart doesn't listen to statistics and reason.
The worst part of all of this has got to be Nate's reactions. He's happy I miscarried. He also doesn't understand that I don't want to have sex for a while because I hurt and don't feel good. In every other way my husband is awesome, but in this respect he's just making it worse.
So yeah. There you go. Yes, I was pregnant, but I'm not now. I'm miserable about it and I just hate that I feel so miserable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
